I have really been struggling lately. Not "Struggling" struggling, more like grappling, or questioning myself.... and it's all about one little sentence. You see, I was talking to a friend recently, and she made the comment, "I love my kids, of course, but they don't define who I am"....... and that thought has been playing over in my mind for the last few weeks.
I fancy myself fairly well-balanced... I stay at home with my kids, I run my small business from home, I have a fairly active social life (the kind of social life you expect after kids..... very little alcohol, lots of talking, coffee, barbeques etc), I'm well educated, I can hold an adult conversation whilst a Wiggles song plays in my head...... I'm fairly well rounded, I think.
But this comment has really struck me off guard, and I've figured out why... I was worried that my kids DO define who I am, and in the "I can have my cake and eat it too" world we live in, I thought maybe I'd somehow missed the boat. Should my kids define who I am? I am a whole person without them. I have value as an individual. I'm still me.... right? Should I want more, should I do more, should I BE more?
And then I thought about it.... and you know what? My kids DO define who I am. They define who I am at the very core of my being, and I think that is absolutely wonderful. Yes, I am a whole person without them, but I never want to BE without them...
Don't get me wrong.. sometimes I really want to be without them, I need a break, I'm human, I need a time out, but we're talking half an hour, or a day with a friend, a nice dinner with the girls.
But I never ever want to BE without them. They complete me, if that makes sense..... in the way my husband also completes me. They are part of who I am... so of course they define me. In the same way my beliefs and dreams and hopes and fears define me. Being a wife and mother are the two most important roles in my life.
Do I wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't married and had kids in my twenties? Sometimes...... and it's unimaginable. A wife and mother is who I am . It's who I AM. Nothing I have ever done, or will ever do, will be as important as being a Mum. It is the most exhausting, arduous, frustrating, nerve-wracking, emotional, rewarding, uplifting, exhilerating, fulfilling job in the world.
I consider myself extremely lucky to be blessed with three gorgeous healthy children. Many who would make wonderful parents are not gifted with them easily. I appreciate that. I am thankful for that. Many mothers have to return to work and do not have this precious time at home. Many mothers choose to return to work, and I understand and respect that choice. We live very simply so that I can stay home. That's the choice we made. Sometimes we go without. Sometimes there is not enough. But we get by. I am thankful for that. I watch my children playing, or eating, or sleeping, and I feel such pride and contentment I could burst. I am so thankful for that.
These little people and their Daddy are my family..... they are my everything. Without them, I am a whole person, but I would certainly not be whole. So do my children define me? Absolutely they do. And all is as it should be.
